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Dear Quinn and Nichola,
We're standing on a cusp right now, looking forward to the journey of a lifetime.
Someday, much sooner that I can imagine, you will be grown...leaving for journeys of your own, and we will be looking back to this one.
My sweet babies, I want you to know that you are my raison d'etre.
It is all for you.
Sometimes I feel as though I could dissolve into nothing more than the love I feel for you. My heart swells with such power at your smiles, joy, tears, questions....
I survive on your happiness, wonderment and beautiful presence.
It's all for you. When I have dreams of the future, they're always of you...saucer-wide eyes staring up at the redwoods, squeals of delight bouncing across the cold water of a creek, hushed whispering questions while fingers point in a museum...warm, toasty bodies snuggling up for one more chapter...pleeease.
Each time I step outside my box, in the face of misunderstanding eyes, to inquire about the chickens these eggs came from...."they're for my children...I just have to ask..."
Each time I stand up for our rights...hoping that you'll understand that you can too...
My heart beats in time with yours and I know that your's is in time with mine. When I seek joy for myself it is also to seek joy for you...to show you that there is something more to this life...that you can be as full of wonder, peace and happiness as an adult, as you are as a child.
I hope to lead you, seamlessly, and whole, into your future and the place from which you will soar...high above, but always, always in my heart.
I hope that when all is said and done, and I am but a memory to you, that I will exist within you as the knowledge of love.
I love you.
Always.
Mama
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22 comments:
family,
that is really beautiful... i think you should write that down on paper and put it up on a wall (eventhough you wont have walls for much longer.)
i love you all
The knowledge that they are loved wholly and completely, has got to be the best gift a mother can give her children. You expressed it beautifully.
this is lovely, and it really resonated with me. i just kills me when people question our alternative choices because of something we're ostensibly "doing to" our children. everything we do is FOR our children! we wouldn't have made a single one of these choices if not for their influence, the beauty and thoughtfulness they bring to our lives. thanks for this.
sweet soulful friend -
i know you from austin mamas, but we've never met... i've been busy loving my young daughter as a single mama, in the same ways that you seem to love your kids... it's hard to imagine anything else in life, and those who would chastise those of us who relish in the company of our kids, and want them to have so much more than materialism, are terribly mistaken.
i hope to meet you someday, perhaps before you leave Austin -
thanks for sharing this blog with us, and providing a way for others, like me perhaps, to follow.
Cynthia Borelle
Aimee, I think you shy from identification with the "hippy" image, and I applaud you although you sure seem like one of our kids! You might find some of us older and fairly realistic bus people helpful. Here is a website, on Tribe dot com. Have you heard of Tribe? It--itself is all over the map, but within it there are some tribes that are about bus living. My daughter is on "Tyedie Diaper Babies" and the one I suggest you check out is: http://busvillage.tribe.net/
:-) It's not the hippie image I shy from, but rather, the dippy one.
That being said, I'm not a huge fan of labels for anyone. I prefer to keep conscious of the continuum that everyone falls on and how much over lap there is.
We are home-birthing, homeschooling, cloth diapering, peace loving, counter culture, back to nature, grass roots.... Well...hippies, but I've found that many other self labeled groups claim us as one of their own too ;-)
Let's just say we are well rounded LOL
I will check out that link and I will NEVER shy away from people who would like to share with us. I have gotten as far as I have with the "success" that I have by knowing how to take what works and leave the rest. Everyone has something great about them! Everyone is worthy of my time, attention and love and I never want to give the idea that I don't whole-heartedly believe that.
xoxo
Have you ever been to the mountains of VT? Beautiful in summer, sure, but ISOLATED like you wouldn't believe. I mean, you have to drive an hour on extremely sketchy dirt roads just to get to the nearest farmhouse or a tiny general store. And freezing like you wouldn't believe....this past winter we had a couple of weeks where the Highest Temp we had over 2 weeks was 8 degrees Fahrenheit (that is WITHOUT wind chill, which makes it feel much, much colder). I would really re-think the moving to VT thing. The growing season is ridiculously short (we had a frost last week...that's right, the end of May we get frost), so I don't really think you could sustain yourself on what you can grow over maybe 3 months time max. And how will you heat your place? I don't even want to tell you the thousands we spent to heat our small, well-insulated home in VT this past winter....I just think you should really think this through more. Everyone I know that has to come to VT from warm climes such as Florida, Texas, Cali, just cannot deal with the winters - oh, they say they can, when they get here, but once they experience it -- that is a different story. Not being able to go outside for weeks at a time because it is so frigidly cold that your lungs hurt the moment you step outside should be fun while living in a bus with 2 small kids... I don't think you have a clue what you are getting into.
To beatle486:
You may believe they don't know what they're getting into, but I think you are discounting the resilience and fortitude of the human body, spirit, and mind. Sometimes in life we have to dip into depths we have underestimated (or the ones we know are too deep for us, but have a desire to explore anyway...).
As the Cowardly Lion would say: "It ain't nothin' to be afraid of. Have a little courage, that's all."
Everyone has their own experiences.
Me? I love winters in VT. And in upstate NY.
Learn to ski. Pick up some snowshoes. Hike. Be outside and have a winter activity you enjoy.
You will milk the winter for all it's worth and it will go by too fast.
Oh, and the roads are full of cars from other states coming here for some winter fun.
God, I just love the differences in perceptions.
P.S. And pick up some down comforters. This is a good time of year for that, on sale.
"Sometimes I feel as though I could dissolve into nothing more than the love I feel for you." - Never have I come across a statement that more beautifully captures the profound impact parenthood has on us.
i remember growing up in wisconsin. i am sure that my sister remembers as well. we used to have snow ball fights that turned into iceball fights, and i remember that i was always so afraid of getting hit, that i was really good at dodging those things! we used to live in a mobile home in notheastern wisconsin. i remember when the snow fell so much one winter, that we couldnt open our front door, and when we finally could, we let the dogs out, and they just disappeared in the snow! :o) we would spend winters hunkered down, using the snow to wash our hair and to build our forts.
my sister and i grew up in a different way, that has lead to us being very strong women, my sister being the strongest woman i have ever met. and she loves those children of hers so much, that she would Never, Never put them in harms way.
i am sure that your worries are coming from a good place in your heart... but be sure that my sister and her husband are doing everything they do with all of their heart and soul. do not fear for them...be happy for them.
Well, unfortunately I am not wealthy enough to be able to afford skis/ ski boots/ ski pants/ poles/ lessons on how to ski etc., much less to get a $100 individual day pass to any of the mountains! I do have many wealthier friends who are avid skiers, and they LOVE the VT winters - so yes, if you are an avid skier, VT is definitely the place for you. If not, hello cabin fever! And the roads are definitely filled with Mercedes, Lexus, Acura etc. SUVs in the wintertime from out of state that come to the ritzy, unaffordable resorts to ski, that is true.
And I'm not afraid for them...two adults embarking on an adventure with no idea of what to expect is fun and exciting. I'm worried about the kids. And I certainly do not doubt that they have the best intentions -- but you know what they say about the best intentions....
I am reposting my comment from another area on your blog because it seems appropriate in light of some of the negative comments regarding survival in Vermont.
"Vermont is not "unimaginably COLD". Yes, it does get cold there but you will stay quite warm with a good woodstove and plenty of dry wood. I now live in interior Alaska where it often is 30 and 40 below (and even 50 below or more now and then). We have plenty of folks up here who live off the grid in cabins with no electricity and no water. They rely on woodstoves that burn birch and spruce as we have no really hard woods like oak. Birch is our hardest wood. They survive quite well. They haul their water in or have a holding tank and one of the numerous water delivery companies will deliver. Most of the laundrymats in town have pay showers Most dry cabins have outhouses (not only does it make for a cold bottom but you also have to keep an eye out for moose). You will probably have the advantage of a well for your water supply. Remember that there are also millions of people safely using propane all across the U.S.
You will be just fine. You are moving to a beautiful state."
In addition I would like to add that here in Alaska we are outside during the winter in 20, 30 and 40 below temperatures. Some are dog mushing, skijoring, ice fishing and cross country skiing. We have various winter festivities that we participate in not only in the cold but also in the dark. We also keep gardens in the summer that produce well and our growing season is a month shorter than Vermont's. And the last time I was in Vermont there were plenty of healthy folks living off the land.
It won't be easy but with hard work and a good dose of optimism anything is possible.
I also meant to point out that we have lots of children here in Alaska who live "bush" lifestyles along with their parents and are pretty healthy and happy.
Hm, ah yes, that old adage: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. How... pithy.
You know, it is not intentions that determine if a course of action is morally worthy or not. It is the motive.
Do you have good motives (or intentions, to use your terminology) behind coming here and writing comments that do nothing to uplift the spirits of people? Perhaps, if you are so inclined to fear for the children, you could instead offer words of encouragement in order to help them on this journey? That might be words better spent, on your part. You might find that, at the end of the day, you feel infinitely better that you spoke one word of kindness, as opposed to a thousand words of discouragement.
That is all I will say on this subject.
I, for one, find this love letter to be absolutely beautiful. I truly believe in you, 100%.
I have just read your article in the NY Times. It made me think and I will copy it for a bunch of people. I am applying your idea in a less severe way to my own life. I do wonder why you beleive that "things" hinder your ability to teach your children values? Values should be an internal built in quality that is not affected by how many things you do or do not have or your socio-economic background. Everyone should be able to teach their children how to value their friendships, a beautiful day, clouds in the sky, a great present they got etc. Thanks for making me think and I hope everything works out for you!
Beatle, it's all in perceptions!
I cross country ski and it costs nothing. My skis were a gift 15 years ago, cost about $100. I bought my snowshoes at a clearance sale ten years ago. I drive an old Honda.
My downhill skiing buddies keep their costs down too. They often ski for free.
Have you ever tried winter hiking? I find it a lot easier than hiking in the humid summers. The air is better.
Again, we all have different experiences and perceptions.
I also agree with people who say it's really not at all that cold in Vermont, compared to 30 below other places; it's manageable. It can be expensive to heat. I tend to wear many layers and curl up under my down comforter early if I'm cold -- which I don't mind doing. I like having four/five seasons.
I just stumbled across your blog via the New York Times article via The Simple Living Network Discussion forums. I wanted to wish you good luck on your journey. (We're the Carfree Family, at carfreefamily.blogspot.com).
While we haven't owned a car for over four years, we still have way too much stuff. I've purged over half of our kitchen stuff, and got rid of many of my clothes, but you don't want to see the condition of our bookshelves! And I'm still struggling with our fleet of bicycles.
I'll try to watch your progress, but our internet access is one of the things I keep trying to put on the chopping block.
Best of luck.
There is something to be said about "survival" and "surviving". In these times of cellphones, 911 systems, technically and digitally advanced "stuff" it's hard to "survive" like any other animal. I completely understand the family's desire to get out of the "burbs" and get back to nature in its purest form. My recommendation is to insulate the bus with good insulation when you remodel it and make or get some heavy winter curtains for the windows to insulate. This will ensure the capturing of heat for those cold days. Invest in some below zero comfort rating sleeping bags that unzip to make nice comforters. Don't forget long underwear for the whole family and smart wool socks items!
People have been winter camping for decades. With the proper clothing and equipment, planning and research people will survive.
Enjoy your journey family.
Jeff and Amy what beautiful children the two of you have made together. Over the years I have watched Jeff's career take off and the two of you make a family together. Was happy for the two of you when you got your house, but have to say I am more proud of the two of you now.
What a blessing to be willing to make the jump and break the chains of debt, things, toys, shallow desires and conformity. AND, you are taking your precious children with you. KUDOS.
Have many books and much that I want and can share with you on rainwater collection, self generated power, growing your food and making what one needs AND living the sustainable FREE life. Would love to hear from you and share all that I have learned over time, both good and bad.
I admire your goal and dream. May you get there, live well, grow old and reap the benefits of raising children this way. Funny, drove through Venus just the other day and thought of you two, and now here you are.
Your friend and champion.... JOVAN
Jeff and Amy what beautiful children the two of you have made together. Over the years I have watched Jeff's career take off and the two of you make a family together. Was happy for the two of you when you got your house, but have to say I am more proud of the two of you now.
What a blessing to be willing to make the jump and break the chains of debt, things, toys, shallow desires and conformity. AND, you are taking your precious children with you. KUDOS.
Have many books and much that I want and can share with you on rainwater collection, self generated power, growing your food and making what one needs AND living the sustainable FREE life. Would love to hear from you and share all that I have learned over time, both good and bad.
I admire your goal and dream. May you get there, live well, grow old and reap the benefits of raising children this way. Funny, drove through Venus just the other day and thought of you two, and now here you are.
Your friend and champion.... JOVAN
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