A Love Story
5:50 PM Edit This 9 Comments »
We've been getting a lot of questions about our wedding rings, mostly along the lines of, "how could you give
up your wedding rings!?".So many emails that we began to question ourselves.
I know the answer now and I want to share it.
The question began initially because our wedding rings have been living in a box for a long time. Jeff's because it was many sizes too big, and having a continuous design, can't be resized without damaging the design. Mine because it just isn't me anymore. My sentimental attachment of self to items slips away without plan these days. One day I worried about forgetting to put it on and one day I realized that I hadn't worn it in many months.
Then, last night we were gifted with the most amazing, beautiful, touching, intimate set of photogr
aphs of our family; taken by the amazingly talented Whitney Martin.As I sat there gazing at the photos (there are over 500 of them) I was near tears with the energy that she captured. I feel so very lucky to have been given such an amazing gift. These are photos that will be cherished by my family for all our lives.
About 45 minutes into the slideshow, near the end, began a set of photos of Jeff and I hanging out at the park while the kids played. First let me say; being photographed by Whitney was the easiest breeziest thing ever. She just melted into the background and we forgot that she was there after a short time. What she captured was a casual conversation between husband and wife that somehow manages to convey a level of loving intimacy that blew me away.
So. Talented.
Watching the slides of the photos progress...seeing how we interact...a touch of the leg here, a leaning in, a look, a laugh, a tease, loving instinctual and totally unconscious intimate communication. And I'm pretty sure we were discussing the difficulties and virtues of the diet we are trying to learn to stay within...nothing that you would guess by the pictures.
I realized that after 9 years we are quite literally more in love than ever.
How cool.
It's not to imply that we are some sort of fairy tale couple. We have our moments when the stress smacks into the fatigue and the total logistical overload. They aren't so much fun, but we've worked out a sort of dance. A dance of give and take and space and care that seems to work. It's som
ething we really made effective in order to survive the damage of years of illness and pain. Now that those things are gone we can really feel the magnitude of the strength of relationship that comes of truly sharing hardship.No rings necessary here. This relationship is the foundation
of my life and it stands on its own.I thought I'd share some of Whitney's beautiful work.
Posts
9 comments:
so why don't you keep your ring... perhaps someday quinn will want to give it to the girl he decides to marry, or maybe the guy who will be lucky enough to marry nichola will want her to have her mothers ring...
Because I hope that by the time my children are grown they will have experienced that true value lies only in things of the soul and it is my sincere hope that they will find love that needs no papers and no symbols. If they feel or choose differently I would support them and love them and understand completely, but it feels strange to me to hold onto something which could be turned into a new beginning for our family, in anticipation of one of the kids wanting something which holds little or no intrinsic value to their parents. I hope that there will be many things which will better remind the kids of our love and selves...the things which Jeff makes for me...the letters I write to Jeff...the photos chronicling our lives together...
I fully understand the symbolism of a wedding ring and appreciate any persons value of them. It's a very personal choice, as is everything we're doing. I would no more want to push my feelings about wedding rings onto another person than my food choices or other such individual values.
I hope that makes sense.
I think what I'm trying to say is to each his own
aimee, you and jeff are so inspiring! I've learned a lot about living a healthy life and maintaining healthy relationships is SO important. I am glad you like the photos and you put the video online. I was so nervous about it! It was a very natural process for me, very enjoyable. I am going to miss all of you and your nuggets of wisdom. So grateful for your blog!
Beautifully said. In the end, if you don't have what you see - and feel - in those photos, the metal on your fingers don't matter much.
And I'll bet your children would rather have the the photos over the rings too...
Lissa
I stumbled across your blog from the article done by "new york times". I have to say that it is so refreshing to have someone, especially a family doing this together.
I was brought up by a mother who might as well have been a single mother and money was very tight. That taught me to cherish people and what is between the lines. My family very much has the mentality of "add an extra table to the pot" and "what is mine is yours".
I understand exactly where you are coming from with this and I admire it. Not only because it is hard because has humans we attach ourselves to "things" but because of the apparent strength and warmth from you and your family.
I am getting married May 24th and well will be cutting out the things that aren't essential(cable, new clothes, couch etc). I am wanting to eventually to move to where we aren't distracted by the things that aren't needed (you only need air and food technically...)So you are an inspiration for what I would like to achieve in our marriage and lives.
As far as the rings, I don't understand the importance put on them. I didn't have an engagement ring in the beginning and it was all I needed, everyone else needed to see the ring. I have a wedding set now because it was a gift from a friend whose husband upgraded hers. My fiancés was $50 from walmart. I love the pictures of you and your family and the ones of you and your husband. They are very intimate, I had tears reading that post. A true union doesn't need rings to unite it.
I wish I could give your family monetary support but I do have you in my prayers. I am sorry for such a long comment, but there isn't anyone that I know besides my mother that has this down to earth mentality.
Thank You.
naivenoir@yahoo.com
Hello
I came across the new article in New York times. The decision requires greatest courage and a fearless mind. That too to be with kids.
May I also mention that similar preachings are available in JAINISM a path on day to day life and dos and donts to be practised.
Could you please have your computer with you always and not to give it up ? I think the kids will be better informed then so will that solve your some daily worries.
All the Best
Prafull shah from India
a mutual friend forwarded me to your blog. i resonated so much with everything you said. we too have gone through periods in our life together when we have just said ENOUGH and given everything away and tried to live simpler. we have simplified in many ways and our shared dream is similar: my husband wants to run a "kinderhouse," a waldorf preschool, out of our home, a community school for everyone regardless of income, and i want to run a natural health clinic, also out of the home, where i'd accept anyone regardless of income. we're constantly struggling with money in a serious way, rarely having enough to pay bills, rent and buy food, but our dream nevertheless is to SOMEDAY build a tiny cottage and grow all of our own food. so i'm with you! i love this blog and this post especially resonated with me. our rings aren't anything special, we were too poor for that, but i rarely wear my ring anymore because i reject that sign of ownership and propriety. after five years and two kids my partner and i are closer than we've ever been; we love each other more than ever and we don't need a piece of medal to prove it.
by the way, i just noticed on the NYT article that you will be attending the rainbow gathering, and if all goes well (meaning if we can catch a ride with friends, since we don't have a car), we will too! and i would LOVE to meet you! please email me, if you get a chance: earthmother213@gmail.com.
I'm catching up on your previous posts and just want to say again that I totally admire what you are doing.
Regarding the rings and I know youre probably getting advice left and right in regards to them.
It's what is in you're hearts NOT what's on your finger. Unless they are 100year old passed from generation to generation then don't sweat the small stuff.
Our rings were plain white gold ones from a flea market: grand total 30.00 for both. luckily to us it was in our hearts that mattered to us so we got rings to make the family happy but didnt break the bank. If we lose them..well I wont stress as long as we never lose each other..THAT IS WHATS IMPORTANT!!!
Blessings to you and your family
Fiona
Alberta Canada
terraskye @ hotmail DOT com
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