September 21, 2008
Turn Off Your Mind, Relax and Float Down Stream...
Yesterday, in search of winter clothes for Quinn and Neeka, I headed out to some garage sales (or rummage sales as they are referred to here in WI). Clothes were in short supply, but I did score a copy of one of Eckhart Tolle's new books, A New Earth, for 50 cents. A few minutes after I picked up the book a man came up the driveway looking, specifically, for that book and offered me a dollar for the book! I could hardly believe it, and I very nearly gave it to him, but he seemed intent on finding a copy and I felt sure that he would. So, I returned to my sense of happiness at finding a book that I really wanted for a price I could really afford.
I feel even better today as the presence of this book seems to have reawakened a part of me that had drifted off...
For the past couple of months, save for a brief period while reading The Alchemist, that part of myself, nay...myself has fallen asleep or drifted into a place of confusion.
I have been feeling a bit trapped here in Appleton. Lonely. Dark. Stagnant.
This is not true, of course, I have found it possible to reach an enlightened state in the most difficult of situations, but when you are living in your mind, this seems impossible and the world seems to become flat and a mere reflection of thoughts. I have a pretty good handle on those thoughts and a great ability to create something better with them, but when I forget to watch the thinker and my thoughts begin to drone, a constant stream of thoughts, unchecked and unsupervised, I drift off....without ever realizing it.
I lose that light that would normally shine through me and illuminate everything in my life.
This morning I seemed to have reached a sad depth of this. A feeling of disconnectedness permeated and though I wasn't saying anything, or doing anything out of the ordinary, my family could sense the loss of Aimee. Neeka was looking at me sideways, Quinn wasn't talking much and questions of, "What's the matter," and "Are you tired," were confusing me.
I tried to put my finger on it... get to the root of it... look for the core issue... but my mind just busied itself with worries that could be the one. I gave up (The depth of forgetfulness amazes me) and sat down with a cup of tea. There on the table was this new book. Briefly I resisted it, with thoughts of the many spiritual texts that I had stacked and untouched for months, but while I sat there with my tea I started to leaf through it, and then I began to devour it.
I could literally feel myself turn on, awaken and remember... I was filled with a sense of recognition, only what I was recognizing was my self...
In the first chapter he says, "Trying to become a good or better human being sounds like a commendable and high-minded thing to do, yet it is an endeavor you cannot ultimately succeed in unless there is a shift in consciousness. This is because it is still part of the same dysfunction, a more subtle and rarefied form of self-enhancement, of desire for more and a strengthening of one's conceptual identity, one's self-image. You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already withing you, and allowing that goodness to emerge."
And there it was... my block... spelled out for me. I was so busy wanting to be something, and despite my previous experience of it, couldn't chase it down, couldn't get it inside myself... Couldn't be it. Why? I could certainly conceive of it. I had the idea of it. I was too busy living in my mind and ideas again. Too busy living inside my idea of self.
Bang! Suddenly I could feel the light and the thing I was chasing, like it was growing inside of me. The recognition of this incredible feeling shut down that incessant mind chatter and I could feel myself turn on. I could see the beauty in everything and regain that sense of utter peace and oneness.
"Can human beings lose the density of their conditioned mind structures and become like crystals or precious stones, so to speak, transparent to the light of consciousness?" the book asks.
Oh, Baby, Oh! I still struggle with keeping my light on, but I am getting stronger at it and witnessing the change that it affects on everything and everyone when I am connected to the source, when that light of consciousness is shining through me, and even greater when it reflects back from another.
Today I have found the joy again, in finding pleasure in living skillfully with purpose... weeks of suffering effortlessly dissolved by the light of being.
Anyone care to join me in my reading venture?
ABE Books has 256 copies beginning at less than $5. ;-)
Posted by Aimée LeVally at Sunday, September 21, 2008