I feel like we've been in a hurry to get somewhere. Hell, I feel like I've spent my whole life in a hurry to get Somewhere.
Somewhere is always something different. I assume, and it's been my experience, that they all lead me down the same path, one Somewhere leading to future Somewheres, but I'm tiring of the rush. I'm tired of always feeling as though I'm behind in some race... taking too long... always chancing Now or Never.
Now or never has been one of the biggest lies I've told myself.
Right now I'm struggling with our location and perceived lack of movement toward Somewhere. I am realizing that the one cage that I have been trying to escape... the only cage I have ever truly been in danger of... is the cage of my own mind. The little lies I tell myself.
The worries, the pressures, the self limiting ideas and impossible deadlines... all self created.
The truth is that when I act out of inspiration... when I am doing what I truly want to do - magic happens! Every time.
When I act out of sheer desire, not what I think I need to do, not what I think I should do, but what I really want to do... it happens. The whole world opens up to me. Time stops, dreams come true, everything is exactly as it should be and it inspires. It inspires ME.
And the thing is... the thing is that the greatest inspiration I have ever had has always come from deep inside myself. It comes from space. It comes from the space and stillness in me... it comes from the vastness of who I am.
The most inspired , transformational time in my life occurred from a place of forced physical stillness. The Summer of the Rain was my summer.
Suffering to an incredible level of immobility, forced to spend my days in a chair looking out the window at nothing but endless storms, was my greatest inspiration for living.
My whole life situation ground to a halt with nothing, finally, to do but accept and find the beauty in everything.
In my very darkest hour I was filled with a light which transformed my life - inside and out.
Here in Appleton I've been feeling trapped. My focus has wandered and become locked upon one idea - getting out - and I have met nothing but obstacles. I cannot, for the life of me, seem to get out of this town, and I have finally woken up to realize that nothing happens by force because force is only necessary in the absence of power. I have been feeling powerless and lost.
I've been conflicted and stuck, not knowing what to do because I have lost sight of what what I am doing and who I am doing it for.
This push to leave Appleton, this single sighted drive to get Somewhere has robbed me of the purpose of it all. My belief that traveling is what I'm supposed to do, has stolen from me the only true thing there is to have - This beautiful moment. Every beautiful moment.
I love fall and winter. I love seasons and their dramatic cyclical changes. I love leaves and grey skies, drizzle and scarves. I love to bundle up and walk through the wet and crunchy leaves.
I love Wisconsin and I love the idea of hunkering down for the winter and being. Just Being. With myself, with my kids, with my husband and mother and family. Being with my writing and reading.
This is where I want to be and I almost missed it.
I almost missed all fo it in my eager need to follow the rules and preconcieved ideas that hate so much. I've run free, accomplished something amazing and promptly turned around and gave away all of my freedom to the minds control by ideas.
Silly ones too - like I have to travel to be inspired or to write. I have to be on teh RV to live simply and other such nonesense.
I've been sitting here on top of a chest full of inspiration, beauty, dreams and experiencees, waiting for the bus to take me to them!
As I sit here today watching my newest set of deadlines slip away to a missing floor sealant delivery and upholstery that provides nothing but endless obstacles, I've found a familiar and wonderful sense of peace and understanding.
It just is. We may not make it to Ohio in time to campaign, be we can campaign here for now.
Now, I am surrounded by beauty and I have a new goal - leg go of my plans, ideas, have-tos and need-tos.
Today my new goal is being, and since right now I am here in this beautiful place, I am being here, and I may even stay for a while.
That's the thing about freedom. I don't have to know.
;-)
xo
13 comments:
This is a wonderful, evocative post. You can definitely make a difference, even if you just stay exactly where you are.
Take care,
J
http://adventuresinvoluntarysimplicity.blogspot.com/
This post really resonates with me. I have always been in a hurry too. Ahh...the beautiful land of 'somewhere'. And I have been to that 'somewhere' but it seems to be fleeting- I'm always chasing it. We have wanted to live on the road for along time. We planned on renovating a bus but came across a cheap 27ft RV, bought it for $3,000, and took off and lived on the road for three months. We did it to see how nomadic living fit us and to experience the wonderful 'somewhere' that I had always dreamed of. And we found it but it would sometimes dissipate and I would feel it was time to move on. Finally, I realized 'somewhere' is a state of mind.
So we are back home and i am trying to adjust. Trying to be okay with just being. Traveling is in my blood- i am a nomad at heart- but still I need to challenge myself, my thoughts, and the 'must dos' that i sometimes let my happiness hinge on.
I just wanted to say I love reading your blog and following your journey. Your children and family are just absolutely beautiful. You are a brilliant writer and always leave me inspired with very thought provoking posts.
So I wanted to say thank you so much for putting it online for us to follow.
Deep insight! I think you have seen how many of us will switch from cluttering our lives up with new material things to cluttering our lives up with new experiences.
I would like to recommend a book:
"Being Nobody, Going Nowhere"
http://www.amazon.com/Being-Nobody-Going-Nowhere-Revised/dp/086171198X
There is no "better"!
What a lovely post! I know you're a reader of Eckhart Tolle, and this post reminds me so much of him. Its what I've been trying to strive for - to let myself enjoy the moment and what I'm doing, even if its not in "the plan". I guess what I'm trying to do is let go of "the plan", because all it ever turns into is a stressed out rat race. :)
-Jodi (Dancer) from Waltham, MA
I am currently studying abroad in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I went to an exhibit at MALBA a few weeks ago and it struck a cord with me. This piece was by Félix González-Torres. It was two stacks about 2 and a half feet tall of large white paper sitting side by side. One read, "Somewhere better than this place," and the other read, "Nowhere better than this place."
Shameless plug, but you can read the post I wrote about it here. :)
Thank you, this is a beautiful post. Good for you to make that realization. I bet it's just what you need right now. I'm enjoying the place where I am right now too. We're living very simply, 7 people in a 1 bedroom house. It's temporary, but it's so wonderful (even though not all my kids agree). I love the closeness and need to come to terms with how I want this to continue past temporary.
What an amazing epiphany! How many of us had those little light bulbs flick on in our heads when we read this? I too have has 'itchy feet' for most of my life,we've lived in so many places over the years, sometimes moving more than once or twice in the same year. I too have always had the same 'somewhere' that is the perfect place for us. Every time that we moved i hoped that it was our 'somewhere', the place we were meant to be.
It was four years ago that i became disabled and that forced me to change my perspective, slowly and at times painfully, i've reached the point where i've realised that i've been living in my somewhere all along. I have my wonderful kids, a nice home in the country and everything that we NEED (which is different to'want') already here for us.I just had to look at it from a different angle. Thankyou for reminding me of that today xXx
Ahh. I loved reading this one. Your in the exact place I've been in for the past few months. It's so nice too. I love being in a place and knowing that whatever you do is OK.
Knowing that you can slow down enough to see the beauty in things again, be quite and hear the amazing words that are spoken in the silence,
and rest.
I love you and am so glad to hear of the place you are in. Know that I am here with you too.
~Sorrel
Yes, the cages of our minds cannot be escaped but only faced so that we can untangle ourselves over time. I feel like I'm on that journey myself right now with school. School has been so growth provoking for me, and totally worth the time and energy it requires. However, I'm taking 18 hours this semester and was sure I would do this in the spring as well. While I'll be able to pull it off, my health is suffering in the process and it is becoming harder on our family.
Recently I have been asking myself...why am I taking so many hours? What is the rush? I have decided to finish up what I have taken on, but then cut back to 12 hours next semester. At first though...I had a hard time being flexible, letting go of my plan.
This kind of parallels with your thoughts here, and I can identify with the rush conflict.
Have you seen this quote? Its so descriptive of our fallibility, of the intimate obstacles to freedom we face.
"...by yourself, wondering if you deserve to be peaceful, or trusted or desired or left to the freedom of your own unfaltering heart. And the scale shrinks to the size of a skull: your own interior cage."
-poet and activist, June Jordan
I LOVE that quote.
xoxo
Great to hear of your involvement in the election. Happy travels.
Teresa
sailingsimplicity.com
Post a Comment