A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together
To everything ...
There is a season ...
And a time for every purpose under heaven
~ The Byrds - Turn! Turn! Turn!
In life, as in nature, there are seasons... there is ebb and there is flow...
I have not yet met a person who experiences no moments of pain and doubt.
I experience these moments as well...
The difference I suppose, outside of the public disclosure of mine, is that these moments stand out in stark contrast against the backdrop of an incredible, inspiring and beautiful life. A life lived quite out loud and with full abandon.
Does that make them more painful? I don't think so...
More dramatic perhaps... in that a pedestal gives a slightly steeper drop ;-)
I feel things deeply and I live from this place of feeling. I do not know how to do it any other way. It is this deep feeling which directs my greatest achievements and it is also this feeling which leads me back home.
It is this feeling that told me of the need for balance... it is this feeling which lets me know when things are not what they appear... when the wall has a hidden door... and when what I want matters not at all in the face of what is.
I embrace the ups, and the downs, and for this my lessons in life are often short and profound.
For this I have no fear of scaling the depths of depression in order to meet my partner there and lead him out. If you doubt that this is possible I only wish for you that you might someday be graced with the opportunity to experience this for yourself. There are many who are giving this great gift throughout their lives... those who find the grieving, sit with them in their darkness and hold their hand... slowly open the shutters to let the light stream in and wait with them as they contemplate the world outside their pain and their dark fear.
I have no fear of these dark moments because I have been there before and I know the way out can always be found. The feeling will lead you as surely as your eyes could spot the light of the cave door. I do not believe in unsaveable or incurable. I know better, and it is mighty hard to convince someone of anything which opposes a belief held in experience.
We chose the life which we have because we are strong enough... because at the end of the day we go to bed in peace. And in love. And because no day passes without a smile.
I could be struck from my horse by a bolt of lightening and my faith would not waver. In this I lead my family and they follow with all the security of a well loved child. It is also from this place which I teach (and learn) strength, tenacity, courage, love and faith... that all is never lost.
It is from this place that I live the belief given me by my mother:
That everything happens for a reason and each moment is equally necessary and beautiful.
Some of this she taught me in words, but mostly she taught me by example.
Example of faithful endurance, unconditional love and loyalty.
My father taught me that anything is possible and that getting flattened by life means only that you have a new opportunity to grow bigger, stronger or more beautiful.
These are my moments of pain, of doubt, of faith and of growth.
I share them because they feel like gifts...
because at the end of the day I would never change a thing and the peace in that should be shared.
You are beautiful, and the love that I have for myself, I also have for you.
Thank you for your emails, comments and calls.
xoxo
4 comments:
" I do not believe in unsaveable or incurable."
...remember that when you dream :)
love, peace, laughter and "i knew you would say thats" with you on your journey!
Babs
Thank you for taking the time out of your life to share these thoughts with all of us. It really is inspiring to see how you are making your own life, and helping the loved ones around you to make theirs.
Dear Aimee,
I'm going to tell you a true story to try to send help to you.
In 2000, I downsized the way you did, let go of my house and many of my possessions, and loaded what remained into a honda civic, no roof rack, just a bicycle on the back, and left for a year of travel.
On the very first big trip, I was in an accident that rolled the car. The car was totalled and almost everything in it was destroyed. It happened far from any town. They took me in an ambulance to a hospital 20 miles away. During the night, I woke up and heard a baby cry. I realized I was okay. The next morning, they released me. I walked out and sat in a park, completely possession-free. I felt a new happiness. For the next several days, strangers helped me until I got back to family, thanks to someone who drove me for 400 miles.
Since then, I have considered myself to be in a second life granted by grace. In this life, I am possession-free: true, right now I live in a house with many possessions around me, but I am acutely conscious that none of them reall belong to me, they are only temporary tools.
I would suggest to you that perhaps your RV is only a tool too, one that you're free to walk away from any time. Even your idea of being on the move is such a tool, it's a construct. All the things you listed as needing - well, perhaps that list of "what you don't have" is one that could go in one column, and opposite each item, you could put "what you do have" that relates to it. I don't mean count your blessings, exactly. What I mean is, look for future direction in what you currently do have as tools...just a thought! You have my deepest admiration. Peace,
Caravan in Canada
that is from the byrds, but also, and originally... from the bible :)
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