Things on our front are not what I would call "Good".
My gut would not go along with what the surgeon wanted Jeff to do. His foot was showing no signs of getting better and a few things that were making me worry. I had been pleading with Jeff to pack us all up and go down to Santa Fe or Albuquerque to try their emergency room, but he felt like it was a huge risk to lose a whole day of packing and repairing the RV to drag all three children hours away without knowing if he would be turned away again.
After talking to a family member last night we tried calling a podiatrist today. Because we live outside of such a small town there are none here, only a couple that travel here from Santa Fe. Luckily I caught one on a trip here and was able to get Jeff in to see him this afternoon. After he was there for more than an hour and emerged with a large amount of bandaging on his foot I felt really hopeful. Three doctors and this is the first time that there was any bandaging or signs of care.
Unfortunately when I saw Jeff's face I lost all that hope. After working on his foot for more than an hour, he was unable to dislodge the piece of stem and said that it had migrated into a joint on account of not being removed on the first day. You remember that day... the one where we went to the ER to, um, get it removed.
Jeff is now in a pretty serious amount of pain. In thirteen years of knowing him I've never, ever seen him like this. He's scheduled for all out, serious, full anesthesia surgery on Wednesday. He's terrified, hurting and profoundly frustrated.
I'm just overwhelmed. Like millions of others, we have no medical insurance. This is going to take everything that we had set aside for repairs to our RV. Meanwhile, we are still in the countdown to moving day. T-minus 8 days and counting (fast). I am now essentially alone here with three small children, one of whom is cutting her first set of teeth and not at all happy about it. She isn't sleeping at night, so I am sleeping even less. When I get up it's a scramble to get everyone fed, clean, do laundry (diapers, hello!), dishes and then try to work on getting us out of this house and onto the RV. I spent today learning how to repair our black water tank (complicated) as fast as possible while Simone napped. I got maybe halfway there. I managed to get another coat of sealant on our floor while Quinn tried, in vain, to entertain Simone.
There is so much to do and only me here to do it now. I want to say that I'm handling it okay, but time restraints aside, I'm still stuck inside of a body that was in a state of serious handicap for more than half of it's existence. The pain of pushing it this hard is intense. I collapse into bed around 1am every night with searing pain all over from lifting, scrubbing, sawing and hauling a 20 pound infant with me wherever I go. I carry her while I do laundry, while I sweep, while I go to the bathroom. She's the happiest, most tolerant tike in the world, but forgive her, she's cutting her first teeth and it hurts her. She gives me smiles, but if I try to put her down to work she cries her heart out til she's hoarse. It sucks, y'all.
I can't begin to figure out how I'm going to get us all on the RV, move the last of our furniture to consignment, and finish painting and cleaning the house to ensure that we get our deposit back. $3,600 in deposits was an absolute necessity to us completing repairs before, now with the new medical bills I absolutely must get everything in perfect order.
But wait! There's more! I haven't yet mentioned the two dogs and 32 chickens that I have to care for. Or that I also have to move said animals to a friends house and tear down a chicken coop by myself.
I don't know how I'm going to pull it off. I really, really don't.
I'm just going on blind faith and adrenaline now.
I'm trying so hard to keep a sense of normalcy and peace for the children, but I feel a bit like I'm going to crack. When I began searching the country for a place for us to live my number one priority was finding a place that we could stay for at least 5 years. This was unexpected in the worst way.
What makes me really sad is that I haven't any time at all to enjoy the last days we have here with the kids. I got myself through 9 months of snow (19ft) by looking forward to the beautiful summer days that I was going to spend hiking and playing with the kids in the woods. Unfortunately we got the boot more than a week before the last major snow (18in on May 5th) and it's been non-stop work since then. I fluctuate between feeling like I want to sink to the floor and just weep and realizing that I haven't the time for such self indulgence.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
We'll take everything we can get right now.
xoxo
38 comments:
You are always in my prayers. Hopefully someone will read this who's close enough to go help!
I wish you the best of luck. You can only do one thing at a time and each completed task is an accomplishment. Take a few quiet moments to reflect on all of your accomplishments and be proud of everything you have. Maybe just let the chickens go free while you're at it.
Ok...my wife and I feel for you guys...hope things improve RAPIDLY!! Darn Rose Bush!...try teething tablets from wal mart for the kiddo....(in case you have forgotten about those in your current state of mind)..cheap and homeopathic...and they work...
Best wishes!
Robert and Mary
Please do not despair, you are a woman, a strong woman and I just know that if you let life carry you along, you will find peace and security! What doesn't get done, doesn't get done. As long as you are healthy to care for your family that's what counts. Unfortunately I am in England and unable to help, but would if I was closer. Your in my thoughts. Love to you all, I hope Jeff recovers quickly.
Pippa (from England) x x x x x
sending you healing vibes from across the pond
Man, I hear you!
Have a work party? Permaculture groups often have work parties... Is there a Permaculture, Parenting, etc. group who might be able to come over for a day and do chores/play with the kids? If I lived nearby I'd come! (I'm in NY)...
I can't believe that about your husbands foot! Man, those first doctors should pay for the surgery, eh?
Thinking of you guys and sending my positive energy your way!
I am thinking of you & sending positive thought & vibes your way. You certainly seem to have a VERY full plate at the moment! Hang in there and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. After all, that's all you can do. I love reading your blog ... you're an inspiration. Remember what an inspiration you are to so many people when times get rough such as this.
Much Peace :)
i am cheering for you and send you strength. even though i've never met you, you have inspired me with your courage to take on this world--and i know that you will survive this too. and a huge gushing cry never hurt either :)
Wow reminder to me to appreciate the fact that my husband is mobile and can help around the house. I am amazed that you are doing such a kick ass job and sound as sane as you do in your post! Pat yourself on the back for what you have accomplished and hopefully some help is on the way to you.
Jeff is going to feel so much better after his surgery. He has no choice but to do it this way, before infection sets into the bone.
Things do look overwhelming but they say when one door closes another opens.
Take care. You are in my prayers too...
(((((giant hugs)))))
I can't even begin to understand the amount of overwhelming stress you must be feeling. Racking my brain for something I can do to help, but I'm coming up empty. Wish we were closer.
hang in there, you have proven yourself to be stronger than you ever would have believed. Please know that I mean this in the kindest way--I wish you all the best to succeed at your goals, but without help, it seems you need to adjust them to your current circumstances, and it looks like your health, and Jeff's is at risk from the stress. I don't know which things can be let go of, (like maybe some of that $3600) in order to preserve your health, which is much more valuable. If you kill yourself in the process, then things would be much worse.
Please take care of yourself as best you can. It sounds (understandably) like you are completely overwhelmed.
Sending positive thoughts!!!
Is there any church group who would pitch in for a service project? It would be nice to call in reinforcements. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints often has missionaries that do service.
I wish for you and your family all the best, and pray for you.
I know this may not be the best time, but you mentioned earlier that you are thinking of going to Florida. May I recommend that you watch the video's at www.mercola.com about the oil spill before you make that decision. People are getting very ill from the chemicals involved in the spill and clean up of the oil.
I know what it is to be sick, and to be sensitive to food and environment. Please be careful in your choice of location.
:( *sniff*
I'm so so sorry this is all happening.
So glad you chased a doctor down for him.
I can't imagine how overwhelming this all is. Is there anyone near you who can help at all? That's a tough list to prioritize, please come back for moral support.
You should post an ad on craigslist that says 'free chickens if you tear down chicken coop'
I'll be thinking of you all. I am so sorry everything seems so overwhelming right now. You sound like a very strong woman, wife and mother and Im sure you'll come out the other side of this better for it.
I hope hubbys foot is well very soon! Moving is the time you really need all hands (and feet) on deck!
Hang in there and keep us posted if you can. I have so much admiration for your life and the choices you make. Its a really touching story.
Best wishes and blessings during this time. Two things that popped into my head when I read this, and maybe they are trite but they are getting me through my own life messes at the moment: "This, too, shall pass." - that goes for good and bad. Savor the good (sounds like you already do) and the bad won't be bad forever. Second, you referenced your Mondo Beyondo list in earlier posts - perhaps this is the painful birth process of making some of your Mondo Beyondo dreams come true? Never having given birth myself, I don't personally know that pain, but that pain seems to transform into the joy of welcoming a fantastic life into this world. You can do this! Good luck.
{{{{Aimee}}}} I wish I could be there to help you in a hands on way. Since I cannot be there in person, I will offer unsolicited advice in addition to my hugs and love for you and your family. Even though you didn't ask for this advice, this comes from years of experience and these ideas can be hard to see when one is in the middle of a crisis. 1)call the landlord and explain what is going on and ask for more time. You have three young children and your husband is undergoing surgery. That might at least remove the time pressure. 2) You may want to contact the social worker at the hospital to talk about what possible arrangements they can make for paying for Jeff's surgery, or where to seek community support. 3) If there is an option for having an orthopedic surgeon instead of a podiatrist, always go for the orthopedic surgeon. 4) Take a minute to love yourself and affirm that all is well. Love, Inez
Sending lots of love and positive vibes. I can't begin to know what you are going through - but like so many other's said, just do what you can do. I totally get that the money is so important. But Jeff's surgery is more important and the fact that you have a beautiful family that is healthy and so full of love and inspiration...hold onto that. -Debbie
Sorry things are so tough. That's why God made you a woman, he knew you could handle it. I'm sending lots of positive energy your way!
Have you told your landlord about your situation so that you might get a few more days to get things done and asked everyone you know for a little help? I wish I was closer so that I could help you out! Just try to keep in mind that this will only last a little while and things will get figured out eventually (they always do!).
Oh and I live in Florida, outside Tampa to be exact, and the oil spill has not effected us at all. The only part that has been affected so far is the Panhandle, particularly Perdido Bay near Pensacola. I used to live there and it tears up my heart to think of it, but Florida is a huge state and the panhandle is a world away. If the oil hits the gulf steam then the entire east coast will be destroyed from the keys up to the coast of Virginia (not just Florida). Let's hope that doesn't happen!
PRACTICAL ADVICE: Tell the first doctors and any others that treated your husband that you will SUE them if they try to collect MONEY/PAYMENT for what they did. Then, keep careful records of all that is happening with your husband, no matter what--even blog about it. You will find the venting helps, but also is documentation of facts.
Health care in this country has turned into a fiasco, and praying our way out of it will not work. EVERYONE should have access to GOOD health care, regardless of the ability to pay.
See a lawyer. And good luck to your husband.
Oh I'm so sorry. You and your family will be in my prayers and thoughts.
I'm so sorry. You and your family will be in my prayers and thoughts.
I will totally be praying for you guys. I'm so sorry that Jeff is in so much pain right now. My heart goes out to your family.
Be encouraged, friend. You are doing an amazing job of being a wife and mother! Your desire to care for your family is a blessing to all of us who read about it. I know that you will reap the blessing you sow, but pray that it happens sooner than later. You are amazing!!!
I will continue to pray for you guys.
Keeping you in my thoughts! (Plus a little blog award)
Reading this Thursday, so I hope all went well yesterday. You are in my thoughts. I hope you can find someone there to help. Please ask for help from people there. And especially, ask your landlord for a few more days, esp. w/ rehoming the animals. I like the idea of a craiglist ad (or something similar) for "free chickens if you take the coop."
I'm wishing you luck with everything.
Honey... I am so sorry. You definitely have my prayers for ALL that you guys are going through!
A couple of years ago we moved a distance of 2000 km. I had to pack up an entire house by myself and unpack it all again when we got to our new place as my DH was remaining behind to finish up some stuff. This was 3 weeks before my daughter's wedding and, at the time, I had osteomylitis from a surgery gone wrong and was in excruciating pain. Why everything often seems to happen at one I do not know but somehow I got through it all and you will too. Prayers for you.
Where exactly are you? I just stumbled across your blog. I am in Eagle Nest.
Hope that all's well and that Jeff's surgery went well and you've received the help you need.
I've been reading your blog for a really long time now, though I don't often comment. Please know I'm sending you so many well wishes, much love . . . And sharing my prayer for you: thank you Life, for bringing this lovely family so much energy and movement, for allowing them true proof to surrender into you, to trust that everything is exactly as it should be, whether or not this means they raise holy hell with the incompetent docs which funds the next leg of their journey, or that they let go into the extra time they've been given, or some other scenario. Thank you for taking such good care of them, for making sure that they have food, and shelter, that the babies have such strong loving arms to hold them. Thank you Life, for bringing them together, and for the blog that lets me share thier living . . . keep taking good care of them, and keep sending them signs, signals that All Is Well . . .
I've followed you since the NY Times story, and I love your blog. I am sorry you are going through this hardship, and every day I check in to see if there's an update. When I don't see one, I worry even more for you and your family.
Be encouraged by all the love that is coming your way from the readers of your blog. You've inspired so many of us.
Let your community of supporters know if there is something you think we can do.
Love and Peace,
Lance
Oh, how I feel for you all. I hope you can feel lifted by all the love and support that is surrounding you - even if its virtual and not in person. You are definetly in my thoughts and prayers. I absolutely promise you that if I wasn't moving out of my own home by the end of July and in transitional housing for the 3 weeks after that, I would be driving to you right now to help - how ever long it took! And we've never met! You are a strong and smart woman and WILL get thru this.
Blessings, strength, healing and peace for you and your family.
xoxo
you inspire. praying you are able to overcome this adversity with grace and hope.
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