Viva La Revolucion!

"Is it a rebellion?" asked Louis XVI of the count who informed him of the fall of the Bastille.

"No, sire," came the reply. "It is a revolution."



I've been meditating on the idea that there are no mistakes.

There are no mistakes.

It brings up so many questions.

I am a person of very few regrets. One or two... maybe. If they are there, they are small because I would have to think about it to figure out what they are.
I make most of my decisions based on instinct... a deep gut feeling of what to do. If I have questions about that I sort them out and don't over think it. I also refuse to make decisions, or take actions based upon cultural ideals or societal rules.

When faced with a difficult, frightening or extremely trying situation I simply become intensely conscious. I'm not sure how this came to be, but I decided very early in life that paying as much attention as possible is the safest route. How else could I ever know what to do? The very idea of having to have enough knowledge to weigh and consider every moment in life seems impossible and painful to me. It seems to me that we arrive equipped with the tools to do the right thing in every moment if we are paying enough attention.

It seems to that if we are paying enough attention that there are very few surprises. Anything big seems to come with little and big warnings... it's just a matter of whether or not we recognize them. By this I don't mean recognize them in some sort of psychic future telling way, but rather as a significant thought, consideration or lesson. Something to explore and learn from as preparation for what's coming.

There are no mistakes. Does this mean that everything that we do is the right thing? Does it mean that there are no choices? I don't think so. I think there are choices, but I think that they likely all lead us in the same direction. Perhaps it is simply a matter of how hard we want the road to be... how quickly we want to learn and grow.

I seem to have made the agreement, long ago, that no lesson is going to kill me so I may as well work myself near to death whenever possible... without break.
I'm not sure how I came to this idea, or how I may have been unaware of it for so long.

I've come to realize though that the reason for my ongoing fatigue, failure to take care of myself and general level exhaustion that comes around so often is that I push myself to extremes too often. I don't allow myself breaks and joy is only acceptable if it's a result of learning.
It's not the healthiest way to go about things, and is definitely not an example or bar I'd like to set for my children. I think I'm just coming to understand that there is a difference between always doing your best and overwhelming yourself.
I'm coming to realize that I truly have manifested all of the obstacles in my life as trials for myself. Showing off to myself like that obsessive athlete that pounds and pounds and pounds the pavement until they are near to collapsing.

I have made life too much of a chore... too much of a job.
I think this is one thing trying to become a regret... Did I miss out on much because I was so busy?
When it comes to me, I am never satisfied. Nothing is ever enough.
I'm not sure how I came to this agreement, but I am changing it. I am paying more attention to my inner balance...
I think we are born with a handy tool... if something is good for you it feels good. It's cultural programming that gets in the way... screws up the signals... crosses the wires. Too much focus on memorizing rules that prevents us from developing the power to know what is right. Raised, utterly without religion I seem to have fully developed the ability to make good choices, to know right from wrong and to live fully and beautifully enough that I inspire others. I believe it is something that we are all born with. Refusal to fit in simply for the sake of others' comfort.

I fully believe though that we are all capable of resetting... of dumping that domestication and becoming our true selves.

This is something that my children are helping me to learn. In a culture where we tend to believe that children are irrational and do not know what is best for them this can be a difficult task, but the more attention I pay, the more I can see that my children came into this world as the rest of us did... we know what we need... we know how best to get these needs met too. It's when the big people... the power-wielding people in our lives... begin to tell us what's right and wrong that things get all mixed up. Generations and generations passing on messages that we don't truly agree with... that go against our inherent being.

I'm trying to raise a totally different kind of human being... or rather... I'm trying to raise myself and avoid crushing and molesting their beautifully undomesticated, wise, wild and free selves.
I think the world needs revolution and I hope that my kids can be on the front lines of this... driven by their powerful sense of what is right... unafraid... believing more in life's great purpose than in hiding in culture's pampered slavery.


I want them to know that the only thing in the world that truly belongs to them... that truly means anything... is their soul. And what's good for the soul is good for the whole.

Life is a gift. Every single moment, every single experience, every single feeling is a gift to be appreciated fully... none more than another. All of life is beautiful as it is. Whether you believe this to be your only life or not... why not live it to it's absolute fullest?
Why not be a revolutionary rather than another marginally fulfilled Average Joe?

Freedom... we begin losing it so early in life that by the time we have real power in the world we have accepted gross trespasses, lost our true drive, and can barely conceive of a different world, much less risk our comfort to bring it about.

Bah! I choose something different.
I swear to myself that before I die I will be truly Cage Free.

This is my personal revolution.

Viva la revolucion!!

Simplify! Part I

I've been thinking a lot about balance and simplicity lately. I've had the growing feeling that our priorities have become out of line with our values leading to a real sense of imbalance, stress and overwhelm in our day-to-day lives.

Though it is an easy thing to write it off as being a result of major life change, such as the addition of a new baby, I don't think that is a helpful or fully truthful tactic. As a person who is always seeking greater and greater balance.... sustained, or maybe self-sustaining balance... I question whether or not I could have better prepared for the upcoming change so as to have her appearance be one of transition and learning... a greater focus on the spiritual and emotional aspects of a growing family... than one of trying to recover from a major blow to the already weak balance we had struck.

In other words: what could we have simplified in order to make room for Simone and everything that comes with her?

As I looked around my house with frustration at the level of order (or disorder as it may be), with longing at my children and partner, and a sense of loss at my own dreams, self care, responsibilities and creative ventures, I had to begin questioning whether I was doing everything that I could to address these feelings... whether perhaps a little extra attention here could lead to a snowball effect of greater balance overall.

Finally, fed up and no longer recognizing my life as conscious choices, I began making changes.
I found two things in this.
One: we are still living significantly more simply than I imagined, as my whole house has been reorganized and cleaned from top to bottom in two days without neglecting our chores, food values or quality time together. In fact, in simply addressing things which were weighing on me I gained energy and, therefore, time for things which were slipping away like family storytime and laundry folding.
Two: I could further increase my time and available energy by revisiting my core values and applying them to the amount of "stuff" I have. This is always a tricky process, especially when there are multiple people (and their things) involved.

Though, by comparison to our former selves, and most of our Western society, we have very little stuff we still have significantly more than we need. Most importantly though is that fact that having this stuff, and having to take care of this stuff (or watch it get ruined because we haven't the time to give to it) prevents us from spending that time and energy on things which truly feed our souls... the things which make life worth living.

Extra towels, a new outfit for every day, 12 pairs of socks, twice as many utensils or cups as we have people, etc., etc., etc. are not the things which make life worth living. In fact, I would dare say, that there is no Thing which makes life worth living. The true value of our lives is in what we do... what we experience. It is in how we choose to spend the one thing we are born with: our time on this earth.

I ask myself, then, Why am I here? What purpose is there in my life on this earth?
Anyone who has truly found their purpose or heard their calling can tell you at least a part of the Meaning of Life. We can feel it! That which has true meaning and value for us engergizes us. It does not haunt us, it does not taunt us, it does not drain us or elude us.
No. It wants us as much as our souls want it. It calls to us. We may have stopped listening to it, or supressed it so much that we cannot recognize the source of the pain any longer, but it is there, always wanting us and never failing to forgive us our ignorance and neglect.

In order to be able to give more of myself to that which has true meaning and value to me... which gives me real purpose on this earth, I will be making some changes around here.

Clothing will be pared down. Dramatically. Nothing will be kept which is impractical, rarely worn, damaged or ill-fitting. What is left will be further sorted into four changes of seasonally appropriate clothes, duplicates that will fit next year to be boxed and stored as replacement for worn out items, and things which will be used by Simone in the coming years. Gone is the endless pile of laundry to wash, dry, fold, sort and put away, unnecessary water usage, storage issues and financial burden of purchasing such an unnecessary supply of clothes.

The kitchen will be pared down. We will have one mug, one glass, one plate, bowl, spoon, fork and knife for each family member. Any excess will be donated or boxed and stored for future company. We will keep one sauce pan, large enough to accomodate all needs and two skillets; one extra large cast iron and one smaller steel skillet. This eliminates a pile up of dishes and will also get us closer to cooking in only non-leaching pans, thereby removing unwanted toxins from our bodies and home environment. In addition to this we will keep our Pyrex glass dishes as they double as bakeware and non-toxic, non-leaching storage for leftovers. It also reduces our overall environmental impact and monetary expenditures.

The bathroom contains one bottle each of shampoo, conditioner, lotion, oil, tooth soap and peroxide for contacts. To simplify this we will be transitioning to a more sustainable and healthy option for hair hygiene: The No-Poo Diet. Gone then are the $9 bottles of products and the toxins that are contained in their less expensive counterparts. The children have been on the No Poo Diet for years and I can vouch for it's effectiveness as well as their scalp and hair health.

The garage contains only in-use tools, firewood and lumber and will (happily) be left alone.
The livingroom contains only our furniture, books, a guitar, drum, wooden statue and the journals adorning the kiva mantel. The dining room contains nothing but a table and bench :-) So satisfying, by the way!

In addition to this we have only one storage location for the whole house: our closet. This stores our winter vegetables, our out of season clothes, coats, blankets, towels and sewing supplies. It also houses the dryer which is going to get much less use when we pare down the clothes and get the clothesline into working order. Did you know that you can dry clothes on a line even in cold temperatures?

The only work left then lies in the children's bedroom. Though their toys will all fit on the shelves we have for them, and they are almost all what I would call "quality" toys, there are simply too many of them for two young children to keep in order and care for.

To tackle this problem we will be eliminating any toys which are made of materials which are not in line with our values, such as plastic. In addition we will be implementing a toy rotation system that Quinn helped to come up with. All the toys will be sorted into categories such as musical instruments, kitchen play, puzzles and games, etc. Each category will then be boxed and labeled. Once we determine the amount of toys that fall into these categories we will decide upon a number of boxes that will be "in play" at one time. For example, we might decide that the maximum number of toys which the children feel that they can keep organized, sorted and cared for are contained in three boxes. Only three boxes then will be opened at any given time. In order to open a new box, one must be repacked and stored away.
Happily, the kids, frustrated with the mess and the chore of cleaning it, are excited about this plan. :-)!!

In Part Two I'll discuss how we are tackling our internal messes with our food choices, spiritual practices, exercise and clearing of emotional baggage. Again, creating that much more time, space and energy. I'll also upload some pictures of what a truly minimalistic, simplified house looks like.

Anyone want to join us? Tell me what you've simplified, dream of simplifying, or want to make more room for. Got questions? Hit me! I'm all ears (or eyes as it may be;-)

xoxo

Corn

Is Your Morning Cereal Damaging Your Liver?

BY Ariel SchwartzTue Jan 12, 2010

"The study, conducted by French researchers, showed that consumption of Monsanto maize damaged lab rats' organs after just 90 days. The problem isn't the maize itself--it's the pesticide residue on top of it.

"Our analysis highlights that the kidneys and liver as particularly important on which to focus such research as there was a clear negative impact on the function of these organs in rats consuming GM maize varieties for just 90 days."

Is this the beginning of the end of Monsanto's hold over agriculture? Probably not, at least until further studies confirm the findings in humans. If nothing else, it could give a much-needed boost to local organic farms that sell their wares for higher prices but can promise crops that won't kill your liver."

A Little Reminder

I spent a few minutes following a link that Jess @ Openly Balanced left in the last comment section and found the reminder that I needed. I LOVE reading the comments you all leave. If you don't subscribe to the comments, I highly recommend it. There is so much beautifully useful, helpful sharing going on there.

I forget, sometimes, to consider how much time is going to the simple, everyday, forgettable tasks. I forget how I made these choices and why I value them. I forget that not everyone is washing dishes by hand, making everything they eat from scratch or raising their household temperature 80 degrees over the negative temperatures outside by building fires. I forget the spiritual energy that is gained by turning trees from the woods around us into that heat... the hauling, cutting, splitting, stacking, and actual process of building a fire.

There are so many things, seemingly insignificant, that make up our day. So many things that are not at all insignificant... just natural.

The hour spent discussing the incredible, almost unfathomable scope of educating and rearing our children. The hour spent hiking through the snow with Quinn, drawing his awareness to the natural world around him... the story told by the million signs around us... the tracks in the snow... the sudden outburst from treetop crows... the way the wind shapes the landscape,...where the snow is deep and where it is completely absent... the possibility of thin ice being right next to the ice we could safely tread upon. So many things... so small... a million tiny moments that make up the whole feel of our life.

It amazes me how quickly I can forget this world, this life, for the life in my head, in my dreams. How many details of this beautiful life escape my notice because I am making lists, planning articles and generally trying to live in a world that does not exist, and will never exist as I see it in my head. Without taking each moment for it's fullest possibility how can I expect any other moment to open up for me, or to even recognize it when it arrives.

Sometimes I forget that in each moment, and only in that moment, I will know best what to do with it. If I am present, truly present, and choose to jump in on the kids silly yoga practice rather than responding to emails about Fibromyalgia, that it is not because I have failed to prioritize but because I HAVE prioritized. Because I AM living by my true values, not those imposed by a world which I hope to change by the example I set for my kids and the choices that I make.

How easily we can forget to value our own moments... the real ones. How easily we can miss the illumination of everything around us.

It's What's for Dinner - Part Two + Edit

For reason number 173 to eat only Meat Of Known Origin, take a look at this article from yesterday's New York Times..

Summary:

Contamination, particularly with E. coli O157:H7 and salmonella, has been a persistent problem with mainstream ground beef. Eight years ago, someone started a company called Beef Products, Inc., based on the idea of treating questionable bits of meat with ammonia to kill the pathogens. Changing and inconsistently-observed treatment standards within the company, combined with ineffective oversight by federal agencies, has resulted in meat reaching the public whose safety and palatability is (ahem) questionable, either because it is tainted with pathogens or because it smells like ammonia. Or both. State prison officials in Georgia rejected some of the meat, deeming it unfit for consumption by their inmates, even while the same meat was being served in national fast food chains and school lunch, whose standards are apparently lower..

Edited to add:

this one http://www.grist.org/article/2009-12-31-meat-wagon-ammonia-burger/
then that one http://www.grist.org/article/2010-01-05-cheap-food-ammonia-burgers/

For Everything There Is A Season

Sometimes I really struggle to accept the pace of things.
I have always been a fast paced, low patience kind of person. For my children, and now for myself, I have tried to slow down, accept, and even embrace a slower pace.

Where I'm still working is in accepting the speed at which I can accomplish my own creative goals. I do so much writing, painting and business building in my head as I rock babies, wash dishes, pick up Legos, cook lunch...
Then when my mind comes in and says, "Hey, this is great stuff... if only you could write it instead of letting it float off into NeverNever land, seemingly never to realize it's own potential." Gah!

Then I get this tight, energy-shifty feeling in my gut that is saying, Damn, and silently wondering if I've hit the end of my creative life... if I made a choice between dreams when I chose to have a family.

Sometimes, as I gently, but so intently, infuse my children with my values, knowledge and powerful dreams, I wonder what their own will be and whether I will ever achieve anything but giving my all to my family.

Perhaps it is simply dark here in the beginning of this parenting tunnel and I need only move a little farther to see everything completely differently.
Perhaps I really am failing to make enough time for my own ventures.
Sometimes it is difficult to see (and value) the woman behind the mother... the individual behind the partner.

There are books that my soul is aching to write. Practices that my being seems to be begging for, and S P A C E that seems to be impossible to find.

But then I question how much of that old self, that self that believes that no matter where I am in life, no matter what I'm doing, I'm somehow being left behind... so very far from keeping up or -gasp- getting ahead. Then I remind myself how much if it is, and will always be, perspective. How even if I perceived myself as being ahead, I am not a likely candidate for stopping to take a breath, even then. I would, in this state of mind, likely power on even more furiously.

So, in that, I am grateful for this opportunity to learn. To learn to be Here. Now.
Not there.
Not in the future.
Not in the what-if, or the if-only.

Just here. With them, but also more with myself.

To just keep b r e a t h i n g and believing that there is time for everything that is meant to be.
Just to remember that I will never be here again and had best not take it for granted.