That Peaceful Easy Feeling

Thinking of a friend...

..who went out of town to get raw goat milk for me when I was pregnant and couldn't manage anything else...

...who stayed out so late with her two little ones, a baby girl just like Neeka and a little boy just the same age as Quinn, to help me empty the house we were leaving in the town we had shed... would we ever see each other again... and how would I have managed the intensity of the fatigue without her...

...who picked us up, strangers, at a Whole Foods, and give us the space, love, and fixing up we needed so desperately but couldn't ask for...

...who came, day after day, to take Quinn out with her own son, while I tried to adjust to having two children and a vicious, nasty disease...

...who is the kind of woman who would call me up across great distances to tell me that she had been wrong about another, and felt bad and wanted to right it, even if she never saw me again...

...who inspired so much of what I've become...who wrote a poem just for me... who's poetry is the kind to leave you swooning or feeling intellectually stunted, or both... who is strong and honest and lost in her own beautiful ways...

...whose presence I want so badly that my heart feels stretched like taffy, and twisted and tied all around my insides... pulling and wanting and missing, oh....

...who trusted me with a secret and a pain, vacuumed out my cupboards, inspired me with her strength, and set her own boundaries with my kids; respecting their kid-ness like a mother would...who is the only friend I've ever shed tears over parting with, but doesn't know it...

...who would watch the coyote trailing the elk until they couldn't be seen and then turn to me to tell me how lucky I am, without any trace of envy...

..whose passed moments in my life are strong enough to swallow any loneliness whole, and burp up a smirk...

to friends...

xoxo